Why couples fight and tips to help you make up.

I am someone who is content with the amount of marital bliss bestowed on me. This however doesn’t mean that couples don’t fight at all. I have a doting partner who doesn’t shy away from appreciating me, in person as well as on social media. As far as I am concerned, if my strength permits, I would have been able to move mountains physically too. Well, let’s just say as couples we prefer spending quality time with each other over fighting. There are always ways to make your relationship healthy.Now, let me tell you, no couple fights on purpose. There are always some factors that irk you up. As couples, we sometimes end to have too much on our plate. Often, when I am overworked, I tend to lose my cool more often than I would want to.

Fighting or having an argument doesn’t mean that your relationship has hit a rock. Having an argument or a fight is mostly healthy for a relationship. What matters is how you feel when you leave the battle field. Often arguing or fighting helps you talk about your values and faith. It helps you address matters that concern you and leads to some really great conversations. Well, that doesn’t mean, you need to wait for a fight to happen to talk about things important too. Communication is what I swear by always.

Let us just say that people in every relationship fight and argue for different reasons. It is always important to talk about the dark times and things because they eventually help you find light! Another important aspect is, that if you have really negative feeling coming out of a couple fight all the time, then you must consider seeking help.

Some reasons why any couple would fight or lose their temper with their better half

Me Time or Free Time

As couples, we tend to fight or argue over availability of free time. Besides weighing who has the maximum amount of free time, we also tend to get worked up on how one gets to spend their free time. I have seldom found myself completing the unfinished home chores on non-work days while my better half gets to visit the salon. This has definitely led to some sparks fly here and there however with communication and planning, we manage a win-win for both of us.

Sharing of responsibility

The lockdown has definitely helped every member of the family to hare responsibility equally. ( well at least in most houses) Whether you are working or staying at home or working from home, responsibility dawdles everywhere. It is extremely important for couples to divide their chores equally or responsibly to avoid fights or arguments.

Finances.

It is always recommended to be open and honest about finances and financial requirements. Often, I have seen couples fight about money and things related to money. Money is a factor that can lead to a lot of relationships becoming sour.

Time spent with each other

We are always wanting to spend quality time with our partners.I seldom find myself contemplating between time out with friends or time with my spouse.Let me tell you a secret, both our equally important for a happy you and a happy relationship.

Old habits die hard

When it comes to married couples, fights over each others habits becomes a routine.Each of us have habits that are hard to break or habits that could be disliked by others.We usually end up arguing about placing orders when dining out!! Habitd tend to become worrisome if the person is not aware about the challenges they bring.Best way to tackle them, is to talk about them 😊

Physical Intimacy

In our country, it often considered a taboo to speak about physical intimacy. However physical compatibility is a factor that can make relationships go awry. Also, often unspoken words and feelings related to physical intimacy can lead to arguments or sour feelings. I would suggest, gather all the courage in the world and make speaking about physical intimacy normal amongst couples.

Well, honestly, these are just some points we couples fight or argue about. We can literally argue about anything. Couples can fight about about the hidden, unknown and unexplored too. When couples fight about wet towel lying on the bed or lack of spices in food, I consider it too mainstream. The fun is to fight about everything that is not vanilla!

How do handle these fights. I am someone who likes to talk about issues that matter. As a couple, we have had our days, when we have gone without speaking to each other.  I can build mountains out of minuscule things, if I let them multiply in my thoughts. So, for me, talking about matters that matter is the best way to deal with a situation. However, as someone who completes a decade being married, here are few tips that can help you deal with a fight as a couple.

Take a break during a fight or even before.

As a young couple, I would often feel offended when my partner wanted to take a break in between a fight. It would make me more agitated and my screaming could really break a glass or two. However, over time, I realized, that taking a break of few seconds helps you reconnect. I have tried walking out of the room or even the house for a small break before the onset of a fight, it definitely calms me down. Sometimes, it also gives me new reasons to fight about. Hahaha, just kidding.

Own up your mistakes.

As humans we find owning up to our mistakes, challenging. If you are couples involved in a fight, owning up your mistakes can be even more difficult. However, studies and experts say, owning up your faults in a fight can do wonders. Expressing empathy towards your partner can help you soften the situation. Conversely, you may even get your partner to admit up to their mistakes. Mission accomplished I must say!

Sleep over it

Yes, sleep over your minor fights. The reason I say that is because sleeping over a fight often lets you wake up with better perspective. It also helps the fumes exhaust and puts you in a better position to talk about the issue at hand.

Get funny and silly

Sometimes (read most of the times) it is important to find humor in the situation. I always wonder how we tend to go on a laugh riot when watching stand-up comedy. I only wish we learnt to laugh at our own mistakes. Humor helps you not only calm down but helps you tackle the small things. Oh well, you can also use the sarcasm bait and pretend you were joking. Keeping it light does help and helps you convey the message too. So even when you want to hit each other on the head with a rock, try and laugh over it.

During a couple fight, hug it out.

There are times, when one of the partners is just overworked, overwhelmed or exhausted in a fight. A nice warm hug with a nice warm beverage can help. When sometimes, the matter tends to go off hand, it is always advisable to hug or touch your partner affectionately to help them relax. My better half has often complained about not being hugged in a fight. According to him, it is the easiest solution to end a couple fight.

Avoid the If’s and But’s

We often blurt out everything that is at the tip our tongue and minds, when fighting. As someone who has had a good amount of fights in her kitty, I would suggest to eat your, Ifs and But’s. When you are trying to resolve a fight or even venting it all out, avoid them. You can tackle the, if’s and but’s when ice has settled over the matter. The use of if’s and but’s in a couple fight can, seem accusatory sometimes.

Over the times, I have realized you cannot do without the fighting. What needs to change is how you react and how you tackle it. No relationship comes with a manual. You learn along the way. Communication is the best way to handle any relationship. As a couple we have had our worst days and best days, but then there is someone who is calmer, smarter and knows how to talk!!