Being a parent is no less than being a superhero. We are always expected to save the world,be funny, entertaining, look great and be adventurous as well. Along with being a great superhero who is available at their every beck and call, you need to have and unlimited supply of patience, love and optimism. There are chances that while you and I are juggling and acing many tasks at hand,we will have a visitor. This visitor goes by the name – Parental Guilt
As parents we tend to agonize pretty often. The good part is that we do this under the closed shackles of our brains. It wouldn’t come as a surprise if, day in and day out, we blamed ourselves for the tiniest mishap that occurs with our kids. For one thing, it’s great to be a millennial parent and parenting Gen Z kids. We for sure have pool of information that works it way like some sort of entanglement. I often look up the internet ( thanks to the researching bug in me) for help and quick answers.I find myself surrounded with an array of information on parenting. It doesn’t take long to be engulfed by a morass of parental guilt.The reasons could range from yelling, meltdowns, family time, career choices etc.
Parental guilt often makes me worry more and focus less on my parenting journey. I have without a doubt even looked up some of the books published on the same matter. There are multiple things we do under the effect of culpability. T
Here are some of the things we do under the influence of parental guilt
- I often cook additional meals for my little one. Surprising him with a sweet treat, instantly makes me feel better
- On most days, I am the villain when it comes to perseverant demands for sugary food.However on days when parental guilt takes over, I have to give in.
- I seldom shop for something expensive. On a lighter note, my bank balance diminishes quickly because we tend to splurge more on kids.
- Once in a while, a bout of anger and exchange of harsh words is replaced by splurging on unwanted kiddo stuff.
- On rare occasions I loose my grip on the boundaries I have set for him.
- The final nail in the coffin is when it makes me retrospect my entire parenting journey
- I am sure, amidst the chaos and calm, whether parental guilt or not, we have all wanted to be their favorite parent.
- There have been times when I have blamed myself for occurrence of things that were not within my control.
It is important to nip this in the bud before it turns into an ivy.There are ways on how you can re frame your perspective and battle this endemic of Parental Guilt.
Here is what you should practice doing.
- Tackle the situation that has surfaced. For example if your child has a medical condition, instead of blaming your genes or yourself, attend to it. Ensure you work towards improving it and looking for ways for it to not re-surface.
- Remember you are the superhero and the role model – Kids observe everything you do. You for sure don’t want them modelling this habit. Practice positive affirmations.
- Accept the wrong – There are times when we act in a certain manner or say things. You can express sorrow and grief over what happened and improve the behavior.Make amendments and seek forgiveness if required.
- Rework your schedule – The mommy guilt often steps in to say hello due to lack of time too. Have a close look at your daily schedule and analyse how you can involve the kids too. Involve them in home chores, take them grocery shopping, randomly sing with them. You can come up with multiple things to do with kids that will require very little effort.
Communication will help you to overcome your guilt about your inevitable mistakes.
There may be times when kids are unknowingly bearing the brunt of this emotion. This simply adds to your stagnant mindset making matters worse. If you have older kids, its best to have a honest chat with them. If your kids are younger, I would suggest using the magic of power words such as, ” sorry, please and thank you”. Little kids also gauge emotions so try talking to them about how you feel. Little kids are great at forgiving and hence that should work as booster.
The first step to tackling this strong emotion is too acknowledge it.Once you have confronted it, the other things will fall in place easily.